Book Review: The Book of Beautiful Questions by Warren Berger
Powerful Questions to Decide, Create, Connect and Lead
In short
Asking good questions helps make better decisions, be more creative, connect better with others and lead in a stronger way in uncertain times
Asking questions in a powerful way starts with curiosity: being really interested in what the other has to say
Great questions unsettle assumptions (esp. the 'why' questions), shift perspectives (e.g. what would x do?), and help consider opposites
Summary
The four-year old girl (more than boys) is a question-asking champion (around 100 a day). It requires higher-level thinking to ask a question: to understand that I do not know something and that I can find out by asking other human beings. It feels good to ask a question as it scratches the itch of curiosity.
The enemies of asking questions:
Fear of showing that we do not know and care
Knowledge, ie that we know already and there is no need to ask
Bias: not asking questions that may challenge our beliefs
Hubris: belief that everyone else is biased
Time: (supposed) lack of time, the belief that in a hectic world we must do, do, do
Follow your gut when making small decisions or you are an expert in a field in which you've made a lot of decisions before. If not, then taking time and slow thinking is the way to go. And asking questions helps us with that and prevents us from falling for biases. Like a flashlight, questions shine light on areas we haven't looked at yet
Questions for better decision-making
Why do I believe what I believe: what do I believe, why, what would I like to be true (to avoid desirability bias)-, what if my belief is wrong, what are some reasons why my belief may be wrong?
Am I thinking like a soldier or a scout? (the former defends, the latter is open and curious); would I rather be right or would I rather understand; do I solicit and seek out opposing views; do I enjoy that I discovered I was wrong?
Why should I accept what I'm told (now shining light outward to the statements we encounter); what is the evidence behind this claim and how strong is it?; and what are they not telling me?; Does it logically follow?; What is the opposing view?; Which of the conflicting views has more evidence behind it?
What if this isn't a yes or no decision? (opening up a yes/no to consider at least 3 options before deciding); ask open-ended how/what questions (eg how can I improve the situation with my boss? Instead of: should I quit?); if none of the current options were available, what would I do?; What is the counter intuitive choice?
What would an outsider do?; if my friend had to make this decision, what advice would I give?; What should my friend do in this situation?; What would Warren Buffet do if faced with this decision?
What would I try if I knew I could not fail? Why am I doing this? What would change if I overcame this fear? What's the worst that could happen? And how would I recover from that?; If I were to fail what might be the reasons for that failure? (Premortem); What if I succeed, what would that look like?; How can I take one small step into the direction? (at some point questioning stops and action needs to start, so asking what the next step is helps get into it)
What would future me decide? (I.e. I have made the decision, looking back would I do the same)
When I look back in five years, which of these options will make the better story?
How to find passion: what is my tennis ball? (That has a pool like a dog chasing a tennis ball); what makes me forget to eat? What did they enjoy doing at age 10? What are my superpowers? In what way do I wish the world were different? What is my sentence? (Eg 'Abraham Lincoln preserved the Union and freed the slaves')
Critical thinking it's not just about asking difficult questions. It's not critical thinking, if you apply the tools only to confirm what you believe. It's about asking these critical questions of everything, including ones own opinions
Questions for creativity
Start finding your big idea: What stirs me? What bugs me? What's missing? What do I keep coming back to? What is ripe for invention?
See the world differently: what might I notice if I saw this for the first time / if a five-year old/ if a traveler saw this?
Why should this be my problem? Do I look forward to thinking about this problem, even in a year's time? Can I own this problem? What can I bring to this that others can't?
Understand problems by asking why's: why does this problem matter? Why does the problem exist? Why hasn't it been solved already? Why might that change now?
Kill the butterfly - when facing resistance: am I chasing butterflies?; Who will hold me accountable?; Am I rearranging the bookshelves?; How can I lower the bar?; What if I begin anywhere?; Can I make a prototype?
To get honest feedback: am I coming across?; What do you like least about this?; What would you suggest I try? Is the feedback suggesting that I alter my vision or merely improve upon the execution? How do I stay 'en route'? How can I keep moving away from what I know?; How can I think I'm behaving like a novice?
Questions for connecting
Instead of 'How are you': what's the best thing that happened to you today?; What are you excited about in your life right now?; What are you most looking forward to at this gathering?
Instead of 'What do you do?': what are you most passionate about?; What problem do you wish you could solve?; What did you want to be when you were growing up?
To make someone like you: what would constitute a perfect day for you?; If you could change anything about the way you were raised what would it be?; What does friendship mean to you?; When did you last cry in front of another person? And by yourself?; What if anything is too serious to be chuffed about?
To ask your partner: when did you feel appreciated today?; Will you remember any specific part of today a year from now? If we were leaving for vacation tonight where do you wish we were heading? What made you laugh today? What do you wish you did more of today? What would marriage offer us that we don't already have?
Listen with your whole body. As you listen to someone, ask yourself 'What must this feel like?
To better listen, ask: just to be clear, are you saying...?; Can you explain what you mean by that?; I imagine it made you feel..., right?; And what else?
Skip the advice and let the person find their own solution: what is the challenge that you're facing?; What have you tried already?; If you could try anything to sort this what would you try?; And what else?; Which of these options interests you most?; What might stand in the way of this idea and what could be done about that?; What is one step you could take to begin acting on this right away?
Before criticizing something ask yourself: what's motivating this urge to criticize?; How am I guilty of the thing I'm criticising? How would I react if someone said something similar to me?; What a positive results do I hope will come of seeing this?; Am I deriving pleasure from criticizing?
Bridging questions for divisive issues: what is it in your position that gives you pause?; What is it in my position that interests or attracts you?; On a scale of one to 10 how would you rate my position? Andyour own?; If you didn't rate mine are one and yours at 10 why not? Can we imagine a position that might at least partly satisfy both of us?
Questions for stronger leadership
Before taking on a leadership challenge: why do I want to lead this endeavour? Why would others want me to lead them?; does the answer to the first question also work as an answer to the second?
Know your code/values as a leader: who are my formative influencers?; when have I been at my best?; when have I come up short and why?; what have I taken a stand for and against?; what is my logline/story?
Clarify your organization's mission: If we disappear tomorrow, who would miss us? What do we do that others can't or won't? What are we against? How might we be not just a company but a cause?
Sharpen your leadership focus: what is the one thing I can do that would make everything else easier or unnecessary? What should we stop doing? What do I want to go big on? Which stupid rule should we kill? At this moment what is the highest best use of my time?
Visionary leadership questions: how can we become the company that would put us out of business? How can we brace ourselves for the third wave? If an Oracle could tell us a bottle of business five years from now what would we ask? What would the seventh generation think about what we're doing? How much I make tomorrow visible? What is our vision question? What if we created an ideal..., what might that look like?
What's the biggest challenge you're facing? Are you making progress? Help me understand what led to... Is it clear what we're doing and why? How can I help?
To encourage a culture of inquiry, ask: how can we make it safe to question? How might we make questioning rewarding? How might we make questioning productive? How can we make a culture enquiry stick?
Question storming exercise (can be done in group):
Think of a question focus (a statement)
Produce questions
Improve your questions
Prioritize the questions
Decide on next steps
Reflect on what you have learned
Building better questions:
Open it up
Close it down: instead of 'Why are we having this problem?'' Ask: 'Is it a problem?'
Add a Why to it, get to the question behind the question: what are you most worried about - and why?
Soften it: 'I'm curious...'
Neutralize it: remove leading questions, statements disguised as questions
Creating your own best story. Ask yourself these questions and then weave together the answers:
Would you rather be respected of feared?
What is your biggest dream in life?
When you were a child who or what did you want to be?
When you have failed how did you respond? If people were asked how you treat them what do you think they would say?
What is your sentence? (You had to summarise your life in one sentence what would that be?)
What is your tennis ball? (What's the thing that you chase as intently as a dog a tennis ball?)
What are you trying to get better at?